Michelle's Story

When I first started using drugs, I was about fourteen years old. And I think, you know, I first tried weed and stuff like that, and then it progressed into ecstasy and acid. What got me started was basically the curiosity, the strive to fit in, because I had just begun high school. Most of the time school was just a social place that you knew people that got high. You hung out with people. Got high with people, and never really went to class. I was one of those people who thought you had to have a needle sticking in your arm and laying on the ground to be addicted to drugs.

I'd just sit in my room for like, hours. And I wouldn't leave my room until I was ready to get up and go get high again. Basically, I'd just get depressed and get high to cover that up, and it was just a vicious cycle.

I was a cheerleader when I first went into high school. And then my second year I was barely in school.

A friend was drinking, and I think he took valium or something like that, some type of pill. I don't even think he knew what it was. And he was driving home with his friend and lost control of his car, and he hit a tree, and he died. He was about eighteen years old. And now the kid who was the passenger, he's paralyzed. How many times I got into a car with people that were drunk, or on ecstasy, or on acid, or any kind of drug, or just smoked weed like that. How many times I got into people's cars and something could have happened. I'm very grateful for it.

I know people right now, only sixteen years old, and like, they shake from it. They don't stop shaking. I've had some bad combinations of being drunk, smoking weed, and acid, or being drunk, smoking week, and on ecstasy. Just anything with another drug is really bad. It has different effects on you. You never know what could happen to you.

It became, you'd do anything to just get this money to do all these things. I thought I was different. Then all of a sudden, things get out of hand and it hits you. You know, you wake up in like a hospital, you wake up in rehab, and you search for answers. Why did I do this? Where was the point that it started getting out of hand?

All this stuff, it was fun at the moment but really wasn't worth all the things I put myself through. I wish I did listen to my friends who I wasn't getting high with. You know, my parents and stuff like that. The people that really cared about me who are still here, and the people that I used to get high with...they're not here. A lot of people can't deal with people criticizing them. But [now in rehab] we've learned we are who we are and just to take it and roll it off our shoulders.

On March 21, 2001, Michelle testified before Congress as part of the Senate Caucus on International Narcotics Control. Here is her testimony:

My name is Michelle C. I am 17 years old and have been in recovery for over a year and a half. I tried many drugs when I was active but the one that I liked the most was ecstasy.

Ecstasy was introduced to me from a former boyfriend. He told me that it was amazing and that I would really feel better. Ecstasy made me feel as though I did not have a problem in the world. Everything was wonderful and I had no inhibitions while I was under the influence.

What my boyfriend did not tell me was that I would want to take Ecstasy all the time. After a while, I felt as though I would not be able to live without it. I began to steal things from my parents and cut classes so that I could get high. The good feelings I was getting from Ecstasy were making me act out in ways that were damaging to myself and the people that cared about me. Feeling wonderful meant that I had to lie, cheat, and steal.

Since I have been in recovery, I have made many changes in my life. I have worked on my self-esteem, self-respect, and have developed positive ways of coping with my day to day problems. Although I am sober, I still miss using Ecstasy. I miss the peaceful feelings and the illusion that everything is okay. I need to remember that I am capable of dealing with problems as they come up and that I do not need to live my life in the cloud of Ecstasy.