- [Interviewer] Today, we're gonna talk about how we help each other when we're scared.

- Mm.

- [Interviewer] So you tell me, what are scary things?

- Spiders.

- Spiders?

- What are you scared about?

- Being alone because nobody's with you.

- Yeah, that can be scary.

- I'm like afraid of the thunders, 'cause they're really big and they're startling.

- What helps when you feel scared when there's a storm?

- I like to be close to you guys 'cause you make me feel safe.

- Do you think it's scary to go to the doctor?

- Well, if it's a hurting shot, then yeah kind of.

- And sometimes you like to jump out and scare me.

- Sometimes there's just perfect time.

Ah!

(mom laughing) (bouncy music) - Have you ever felt that way?

- Scared?

- Yeah.

- Yes.

You know, I just recently started a new job.

I was so scared on the first day.

- Can I tell you something?

- Sure.

- You should always have courage in you.

You're a smart, kind, Black woman.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

That's, I appreciate that.

- So what is it about spiders that make you afraid?

- They're big, they're ugly, and they have eight legs.

- Yeah, they are pretty big, but you face that fear, right?

- Mm-hm.

- You know, we have the little toy spider.

- [Zoe] And then I touched it and I just got freaked out.

- But the fact that you even took the step to touch it that's a big step and it's okay to be afraid of things.

But it's really, really cool when you can face that fear.

It just makes you feel so proud of yourself.

And it makes me proud of you too.

- It was helpful for me to learn that I can do it and I'm brave enough.

And I was proud of myself.

- Exactly.

- Graham, did you think it was scary when you went to the doctor to get stitches?

- Yes.

- What was scary about that?

- I cut open my head.

- But when we went to the doctor, what did you think of him?

- Pretty nice.

- Yeah, and did they end up taking good care of you?

- Mm-hm, they stitched up my forehead right there, so.

- So the next time when you got stitches, were you as scared?

- Mm kind of, but a little less, because I had already had stitches.

- I think sometimes it's scary to do things for the first time, but then when you do them another time, it's not as scary.

- Yeah.

- Is it hard to tell us sometimes when you're feeling scared?

- It's not really hard, but sometimes you just don't wanna tell your parents 'cause maybe they'll be like, "Oh you're fine, you'll be okay."

But like sometimes you just don't wanna tell them, because then you don't want them to know that you're scared of like thunder or something.

- So you would feel embarrassed?

- Yeah.

- [Carrie] To share what your fears are?

- [Lexie] Mm-hm.

- [Ken] Do you think there's anybody who's not scared of something?

- [Lexie] No.

- So since everybody's scared of something, that may be a way to not feel as embarrassed about having to let other people know maybe what you're scared about.

- Do you and your brother Finn talk about your feelings when you're scared?

- Yes we do.

- Did you feel embarrassed to tell him how you were feeling?

- No 'cause I know he listens.

- So even if you can't come to us when you're scared about something, you know that you always have him to go to too, right?

Is there anybody else that you can talk to when you're feeling afraid?

- Well, we have a school counselor that you can write like a note and put in this like little bin and talk out your feelings with her and she'll listen and she'll have a way to figure out what to do.

- Usually when I'm scared I come talk to you guys.

- Yeah.

- Like I like to read a lot of books and sometimes there are stuff in it that make me ask questions because - Sure.

- [Cora] It's real stuff that happened.

- Do you remember one of those stories?

- Mm, I read one, "Hurricane Katrina".

- Okay, right, I remember you asking about that.

Did you find that scary?

- [Cora] A little because there were floods.

I was like, there were floods in hurricanes.

- Yeah.

- And people died.

- Yeah, very sad.

- Yeah.

- And sometimes when we read about scary things that happen, talking about your feelings and thoughts gets that out of your head.

So they're not as scary as when you're thinking by yourself and everything is magnified.

You kind of can sort through your feelings and thoughts so that they don't seem as scary.

- Yeah.

- [Interviewer] Mateo, what do you think your dad's afraid of?

- I think you're afraid when you started to go in the Air Force.

- Yeah, so it was a little scary before I joined the service, the Air Force.

I was watching videos of people, how they were getting yelled at.

- So how did you overcome it?

- Talking to different people, having friendships, asking open ended questions from people that were there before I was and then we figured out and would come up with a?

- Solution.

- Solution.

- You overcome your fears?

- Fears.

Yeah.

- You help me with everything mostly.

- That's good.

We have to rely on people.

- Yeah.

- You know, you can always come to me.

However, if I'm not available your mom is there, your family members.

- Yeah.

- Your friends to help you with anything that might be scary in your future years.

- What are you scared of now?

- What I am scared of, I'm gonna be very honest.

I worry, you know, mommy has lupus, right?

- Mm-hm.

- So.

- Very scary?

- Yes.

So my biggest fear is that something's gonna happen to me.

And then I will have to leave you guys.

I worry about getting sick and what that would do to you and your brother.

That's my biggest fear.

- Mm-hmm.

- Make me cry, Zoe.

Yeah, usually when I get sick, you're just so helpful.

You're just so, so helpful.

And you check on me.

- My brother always says, check on her in 30 minutes.

I'm like, nope, I'm going upstairs right now.

Going and check on mommy.

- Yeah.

Who else?

- My Nana.

- Nana.

You know the name for that is having a support system and we all need support systems.

Somebody that you could call no matter what.

They're not too busy.

They won't judge you and make you feel bad for whatever you need to talk about.

I just want you to know that I really, really, really appreciate just the heart that you have.

So thank you for just being so loving and taking care of mommy when I don't feel good.

- You're welcome mommy.

- [Interviewer] Do you have any other tips that you use when you're scared to calm yourself down?

- Do you give yourself pep talks?

- I don't really just do it when I'm scared.

'Cause I don't really be like, it's okay, like you got this, which maybe I should be doing, but I don't.

How you make me feel safe is your close by me and maybe you would like hold me or something.

- That helps you feel better?

- I went to a swim meet and I was just like all scared.

'Cause I didn't know if like I was gonna be good, bad.

- Did it help that you had a lot of people cheering you on?

- Yeah, it helped because it gave me confidence.

- Nice.

Sometimes you're gonna have things in your life that are scary, but I hope you know that your mom and I and your brother and your sisters and your friends are all cheering for you just like at your swim meet.

And then that can give you confidence and help you to keep going.

- Yeah.

- I have a lot of fidgets.

- Oh you do have some fidgets.

- Yeah, and I always play with those fidgets and they help me feel calm and they help me think about you 'cause you bought me all those fidgets.

- Okay.

- And I can also take deep breath.

- Take a deep breath.

I have to do that sometimes, right?

- Yes you do.

- Because I get nervous a lot.

Yeah.

So take a deep breath.

- Sniff the flowers and blow the hot chocolate.

- Mm-hmm.

(bouncy music)