>> MY DAUGHTER SAYS, MOM, YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS FOR ALL OF US TO SEE DAD LIKE THAT.

>> MY DREAMS ARE THAT HE GETS TO MAKE MEMORIES WITH US.

>> FRANKLY, SHE WASN'T REAL HAPPY WHEN SHE WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE AND SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS DYING AT THAT POINT.

>> I'VE KIND OF COME TO TERMS A LITTLE BIT THAT, YOU KNOW, I AM MORTAL.

>> "HONORING CHOICES AT THE END OF LIFE" IS A CO-PRODUCTION OF THE MEDICAL SOCIETY, PROVIDING PHYSICIAN LEADERSHIP FOR THE HEALTH OF OUR COMMUNITIES, AND TPT'S MINNESOTA CHANNEL.

FUNDING HAS BEEN PROVIDED BY THESE FOUNDATIONS AND COMPANIES.

♪ >> FALL OF 2010, I WAS OUT WITH MY DAUGHTERS RAKING LEAVES AND I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH ENERGY AT THE TIME, AND MY LUNGS JUST TURNED INTO FIRE.

THEN, LATER, DURING THAT FALL, I HAD ALL KINDS OF NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEMS, STRANGE STUFF WITH MY FEET AND NUMBNESS IN MY LEGS.

65th BIRTHDAY, FEBRUARY 17th, I'M DRIVING HERE TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY.

PEOPLE GOT COFFEE AND CAKE FOR ME.

TEN MINUTE BEFORE I GET HERE, PHONE RINGS, CELL PHONE, PICK IT UP, DOCTOR SAYS, WELL, WE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT YOU GOT.

ONE GUY IN THE COUNTRY WHO'S AN EXPERT ON THIS AT MAYO IN SCOTTSDALE DISCOVERS THAT I HAVE GRANULAR PULMONARY LYMPHOMA.

THERE ARE ONLY FIVE TO 600 PEOPLE IN THE MEDICAL LITERATURE THAT HAVE EVER BEEN REPORTED HAVING IT.

PROGNOSIS IS NOT GOOD.

THAT'S ALL I KNOW, SO I GO IN AND HAVE A BIRTHDAY PARTY.

WELL, COME TO FIND OUT WHEN I START READING THE LITERATURE IS THAT THE AVERAGE SURVIVAL TIME AFTER DIAGNOSIS, THE MEDIAN, IS 14 MONTHS.

>> WE HAD A GENTLEMAN THAT HAD A BIG ANEURYSM IN HIS HEAD AND ACTUALLY NEEDED TO HAVE IT BYPASSED BETWEEN ONE PART OF THE VESSEL TO THE OTHER.

AND THE GUY WAS CONFUSED AND DISORIENTED, SOMEWHAT DELIRIOUS, OTHERWISE MEDICALLY STABLE BUT STILL COULD NOT SPEAK FOR HIMSELF AND HAD NO FAMILY, NOBODY THAT COULD SPEAK FOR HIM.

FOR SEVERAL DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL HERE WE WERE KINDS OF STRUGGLING WITH DO YOU DISCHARGE HIM KNOWING THAT AT SOME TIME IT'S GOING TO RUPTURE.

YOU CAN'T DO SURGERY WITHOUT PERMISSION BUT YOU CAN'T GET PERMISSION WITHOUT INFORMED CONSENT.

>> MOST OF CARE PLANNING TODAY IS DONE AT TIME OF A CRISIS.

WHEN IT'S DONE, THERE HASN'T BEEN ENOUGH DISCUSSION BEFOREHAND AND SO OFTEN FAMILY MEMBERS STATE -- WHEN THEY'RE FACED IN MAKING A DECISION FOR THEIR LOVED ONE, THEY SAY WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT THIS, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY WOULD WANT.

SO IT PUTS QUITE A BIT OF BURDEN ON FAMILY MEMBERS TO MAKE A DECISION THAT THEY'RE UNSURE.

WE'VE SEEN FAMILY MEMBERS THAT ARE PUT IN THAT POSITION AND WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE THOSE DISCUSSIONS, LONG TERM, AFTER SOMEONE HAS PASSED, IT REALLY AFFECTS HOW WELL THAT THEY DEAL WITH THE LOSS OF THAT PERSON AND THE GUILT THAT MAYBE THEY PROVIDED CARE THAT THEIR LOVED ONE DIDN'T WANT.

SO IT HAS LONG-TERM EFFECTS.

>> OTHER TIMES WE MIGHT HAVE A CATASTROPHIC EVENT, A MAJOR STROKE OR RUPTURED ANEURYSM AND THERE'S NO DECISION-MAKER OR THE FAMILY IS POLARIZED SO HALF THE FAMILY FEELS THAT WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING AND WE NEED TO MOVE TO SURGERY AND DO EVERYTHING TO PRESERVE BUT THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS FEEL THAT MY MOM OR DAD WOULD NOT WANT ANY OF THIS DONE AND WE SHOULD STOP DOING CARE.

AND BOTH ARE RIGHT DEPENDING UPON THE SITUATION.

>> UP UNTIL NOW, BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW A PERSON'S WISHES WHEN THEY COME TO THE HEALTH SYSTEM, WE DO EVERYTHING, AND THEN WHEN PEOPLE ARE STABLE AND WE CAN SIT BACK AND SAY, WELL, MAYBE NOW WE SHOULD ASK, REALLY, TRULY WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR CARE, A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THE CARE THAT THEY DIDN'T WANT.

THEY EITHER GET MORE CARE THAN THEY WERE THINKING THEY WANTED OR LESS CARE.

WE ARE GOING TO NEED TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE AS A CONSUMER AROUND UNDERSTANDING WHAT OPTIONS ARE OUT THERE FOR US.

>> THIS ISN'T A WAY TO PULL THE PLUG, THIS IS A WAY TO HONOR THE CHOICE OF THE PATIENT.

>> IN THE MIDDLE AGES, PEOPLE WERE USED TO THIS, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN NOW.

MEDICINE WASN'T AVAILABLE THE SAME WAY SO PEOPLE FACED IT IN A MUCH DIFFERENT WAY THAN WE DO NOW.

I'M ORIGINALLY FROM CUBA.

AND I LIVE THERE UNTIL I WAS 18.

AT 18, I LEFT.

UNITED STATES BECAME MY HOME AND IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL HOME FOR ME.

I HAD ALWAYS ENJOYED DRAWING AND DOING LITTLE PAINTINGS, JUST BLOSSOMED BEYOND ANYTHING THAT I COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE.

I KNEW THAT I HAD THE BEGINNING OF EMPHYSEMA IN SOME FASHION.

THEN WHEN THE HEAD OF TRANSPLANT AT THE HOSPITAL WALKS INTO YOUR ROOM AND SAYS, YOU HAVE NO MORE THAN TWO MONTH, YOUR LUNGS DON'T EXIST, THEY'RE SHOT.

YOU GET THE MESSAGE INSTANTLY.

THERE'S NO QUESTIONS LEFT.

THE NEXT THING THAT HAPPENS IS YOUR WIFE STARTS CRYING AND YOU THEN TRY TO CONSOLE HER.

THAT CONSOLATION PROCESS, THEN, MAKES YOU REALIZE, OKAY, THIS IS WHO YOU CARED THE MOST ABOUT.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO MAKE THIS TRANSITION EASIER FOR HER, FOR THE CHILDREN, AND EVEN FOR YOURSELF.

WE HAVE FOUR CHILDREN SO WE BROUGHT ALL OF THEM AND DISCUSSED WHAT WE WERE ALL GOING TO FACE.

IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT.

NO ONE IS REALLY PREPARED FOR IT.

THE FAMILIES THAT ARE AFRAID OF BEING TOO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER, AND I'VE SEEN THAT.

MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 45 YEARS, THAT'S A LIFETIME, AND IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO LIVE THAT BUT I REALIZE IT'S JUST PART OF LIFE.

THE SAME AS BIRTH, DEATH IS ALSO AS IMPORTANT AND IS GOING TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT.

SO WE WERE VERY CLOSE AS A FAMILY, A LOT OF CRYING, NO DOUBT.

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW TOUGH YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK DOWN.

THERE ARE SUBJECTS THAT WE WISH WOULD NEVER COME AND, YET, WE CANNOT HELP BUT FACE 'EM.

EACH CHILDREN IN ESSENCE BEGAN DISCUSSING WHAT WAS IMPORTANT TO THEM AND WHAT THEY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT.

IT BECAME DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS BUT ALL TOWARDS THE SAME GOAL.

THAT WAS TWO YEARS AND EIGHT MONTH, SO IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, A LONG TIME.

I'VE DONE A LOT OF THINGS IN THAT TIME.

MY DOCTOR SAID I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR ILLNESS AND THIS OR THAT, I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU THIS.

DO YOU WANT TO LIVE OR DO YOU WANT TO DIE?

IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, THEN I'M GOING TO TRY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AS LONG AS I CAN.

YOU TELL ME THE PARAMETERS.

♪ >> PAGING Dr. BENDER.

>> NONE OF US REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

MOST OF US WANT TO LIVE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE AS LONG AS WE HAVE GOOD QUALITY OF LIFE BUT IN THE PROCESS OF LIVING -- AND THE CHRONIC LIFE CHANGES, YOU MAY NOT WANT AS MUCH CARE AS YOU DID BEFORE.

AND IT REQUIRES AN ONGOING DISCUSSION.

UP UNTIL NOW IT'S BEEN, I'M GOING TO WAIT FOR THE FAMILY TO ASK ME ABOUT IT AND THE FAMILY SAYS I'M GOING TO WAIT FOR THE DOCTOR TO ASK ME ABOUT IT AND THEN IT NEVER GETS DISCUSSED UNTIL YOU'RE IN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT.

>> WHEN I SEE PEOPLE FIGHTING AND ARGUING, I THINK WHY DO THAT.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE END AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE THAT KIND OF LIFE THAT YOU'RE SORRY YOU DID THIS OR YOU'RE SORRY YOU DID THAT.

STEVE IS AN INVENTOR.

HE HAS 17 NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL PATENTS.

HE WAS AN ELECTRICAL ENGINEER IN THE MEDICAL FIELD, MOSTLY HEART PACEMAKERS AND THAT TYPE OF THING.

WE ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE AN ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR, YOU KNOW, JUST KIND OF FORGETFUL ABOUT THINGS.

HE WOULD LEAVE HIS CAR KEYS, FORGET HIS GLASSES, HIS BILLFOLD.

HE STARTED MAKING KIND OF BAD DECISIONS, LIKE ONE TIME HE GAVE A MAN $5,000 TO DO THE ROOF AND THE MAN TOOK OFF, OF COURSE.

THEN WHEN HE KIND QUITE FORGETFUL, OUR SON IS THE ONE WHO KIND OF NOTICED IT MORE, HE SAID, YOU KNOW, DAD IS NOT REALLY THINKING CLEARLY.

HE HAD A BRAIN SCAN AND THEY SAID THEY THOUGHT IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF DEMENTIA AND THAT WAS ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO.

I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING.

I WAS GOING TO A SUPPORT GROUP AT THE TIME AND I HAD A WOMAN DOCTOR THAT WAS SPECIFICALLY FOR DEMENTIA AND SHE SAID, WELL, SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS, THEY GO DOWNHILL SO FAST THAT WITHIN A MONTH THEY'RE GONE.

THE KIDS, I THINK, THOUGHT THAT STEVE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE DIED LAST YEAR.

THEY DIDN'T THINK HE'D MAKE IT THROUGH CHRISTMAS AND THEN HE KIND OF STARTED IMPROVING.

>> ARE ANY OF THESE THINGS, THINGS THAT YOU AND STEVE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE HE GOT DEMENTIA?

>> NOT REALLY, NO.

WE -- NO, WE DIDN'T.

WE DIDN'T PLAN IT AT ALL.

AND I DON'T EVEN THINK I'M VERY PLANNED RIGHT NOW.

WE JUST KNOW WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES.

THEY WILL ALWAYS TREAT FOR PAIN.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT DEATH AND DYING BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT, EITHER, BUT I THINK WHEN THEY STOP EATING IS A SIGN, AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO FORCE-FEED HIM AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO PUT A TUBE IN.

YOU KNOW, WHEN HE STOPS EATING, THEN HE'S DONE.

AND I KNOW THAT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED, TOO.

EVERYBODY JUST SUPPORTED MY DECISION.

I JUST MADE IT.

I JUST MADE THE DECISION, WE'RE NOT HAVING ANYTHING EXTRAORDINARY, WE'RE NOT HAVING THE STOMACH TUBE AND WE'RE NOT DOING THAT.

>> WHY DID YOU MAKE THAT DECISION?

>> BECAUSE I -- I THINK, WHY DO THAT?

WE ALL HAVE TO DIE.

AND WHEN IT'S TIME, I THINK IT'S TIME.

I THINK DEATH IS A NATURAL THING.

WE ALL ARE GOING TO DIE.

WE DON'T KNOW WHEN, COULD BE A CAR ACCIDENT.

I MEAN, IT COULD BE ANY TIME.

♪ IF YOUR MOM OR DAD COULD WAKE UP FOR TEN MINUTES, 15 MINUTES, AND BE TOTALLY LUCID AND COMPETENT TO MAKE A DECISION, WHAT WOULD HE OR SHE SAY ABOUT THIS SURGERY?

WHAT WOULD HE OR SHE SAY ABOUT THIS GASTROSTOMY TUBE OR THIS VENTILATOR?

IF YOU HAD 15 MINUTES TO TALK TO THEM, WHAT WOULD THEY SAY AS OPPOSED TO WHAT DO YOU THINK AND THE CHALLENGES THAT YOU HAVE IN MAKING THAT DECISION?

WE SEE FAMILIES THAT ARE UNPREPARED ALL THE TIME HERE.

THE FAMILIES THAT ARE UNPREPARED, HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT IT, HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT, ALL OF A SUDDEN A MAJOR CATASTROPHIC ILLNESS HAPPENS TO THE BREAD-WINNER OF THE FAMILY, PUTS THEM IN CRISIS.

>> TUBE FEEDINGS, DIALYSIS, BEING ON A VENTILATOR, HAVING YOUR HEART RESTARTED, A LOT OF THOSE TREATMENTS YOU CAN EXPLORE AND, BASED UPON YOUR GOALS AND VALUES, LET OTHER PEOPLE KNOW WHETHER YOU WOULD WANT THOSE TREATMENTS OR YOU WOULDN'T WANT THEM, OR WOULD BE WILLING TO CONSIDER THOSE TREATMENTS MAYBE FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.

>> IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A MORBID CONVERSATION.

THAT CAN BE THE PARENT TALKING TO THE KIDS ABOUT SAYING, IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO US, WE WANT YOU, MY OLDEST SON OR DAUGHTER, WE'VE CHOSEN OUR BEST FRIEND TO SPEAK FOR US, AND IT SHOULD BE A LOVING CONVERSATION.

>> A GOOD WORK OF ART CAN... >> I THINK THE FIRST MONTH WAS TALKING TO CLOSE FRIENDS BUT WHAT CHANGED IT OUT OF NOWHERE WAS A YEAR AGO, ON MARCH 18th, I WALKED IN A CLASS AND THE STUDENT SAID, WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN IT ON THE INTERNET YET?

I SAID WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

SHE SAID THE MONTE FAN CLUB.

OH, MAYBE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY.

WELL, TURNS OUT 400 STUDENTS AND COLLEAGUES STARTED A FAN CLUB AND IT SORT OF OUTED ME IN AN ODD WAY AND THAT CHANGE THE WHOLE NATURE OF THIS PROCESS.

I THINK WITHOUT THAT, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A MUCH MORE PRIVATE EXPERIENCE.

A FRIEND OF MINE SAID I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE DEALING WITH THIS.

HE SAID I WOULD HAVE JUST GONE HOME, CLIMBED UNDER THE COVERS AND PULLED THEM OVER MY HEAD AND THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MORE MY REACTION BUT SUDDENLY, IT KIND OF HIT ME BETWEEN THE EYES.

YOU'RE A TEACHER.

THIS IS A TEACHABLE MOMENT.

>> WHEN I LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENS TO FAMILIES IN THE MIDST OF A CRISIS, AN ADVANCED DIRECTIVE ACTUALLY IS A VERY STABLIZING DOCUMENT.

AN ADVANCED DIRECTIVE IS A STATEMENT BY THE PATIENT AT A TIME THAT THEY CAN MAKE THAT DECISION ABOUT THE KIND OF CARE THAT THEY MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT WANT SHOULD THEY BECOME SERIOUSLY ILL. >> A GOOD ADVANCED DIRECTIVE WILL ACTUALLY ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET THE RIGHT TYPE OF CARE THE FIRST TIME RATHER THAN THE SECOND OR THIRD ATTEMPT.

>> MAYBE EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT'S ABOUT WHO CAN MAKE THE DECISION FOR THEM AND WHO HAVE THEY CHOSEN TO MAKE THE DECISION WHEN THEY CAN'T SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

WHEN SOMEONE BECOMES INCAPACITATED, THEN WE CAN TURN TO THAT DOCUMENT AND USE IT AS A GUIDE.

AN ADVANCED DIRECTIVE JUST KIND OF CODIFIES THAT BELIEF AND VALUE SYSTEM THAT THAT PATIENT HAS.

IT'S A CHANCE FOR THEM TO SAY THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE IN, THIS IS WHAT I DON'T WANT.

THIS IS WHAT I DO WANT.

THIS IS THE PERSON THAT BEST SPEAKS FOR ME.

>> WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS?

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU FROM A RELIGIOUS OR SPIRITUAL STANDPOINT THAT HELPS YOU DRIVE DECISIONS IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE AND THAT MIGHT TRANSLATE TO HOW YOU MIGHT CHOOSE VARIOUS MEDICAL CARE.

>> I DREAM THAT HE WILL BE ABLE TO SIT UP, THAT HE'LL BE ABLE TO WALK MAYBE ONE DAY.

TO TALK.

I MEAN, JUST SIMPLE THINGS THAT WE TAKE FOR GRANTED.

>> LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT WITH KIDS, CHILDREN, BECAUSE, REALLY, THE PARENTAL UNIT IS THE DECISION-MAKER.

>> WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

>> THERE IS A LOT OF EXTRA FEELINGS AROUND THIS BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE YOUNG, WE JUST ASSUME NATURALLY THAT WE WANT THEM TO LIVE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

>> THERE'S SO MANY DIFFERENT COMPLICATIONS THAT CAN HAPPEN.

I'D HEARD OF -- 18 AT OUR CHURCH, THERE WAS A STORY AND WE SAW THAT BABY'S LIFE AND THAT BABY DID NOT SURVIVE TO BE A YEAR.

IT SURVIVED JUST A FEW MONTHS, SO... >> SO WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU HEARD THAT THAT MIGHT BE YOUR CHILD?

>> I -- IT WAS DEVASTATING.

OKAY, ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO START PLANNING FOR A FUNERAL OR ARE WE GOING TO PLAN FOR OUR BABY TO LIVE?

ARE WE GOING TO KEEP HIM ON LIFE SUPPORT?

IT'S A CHROMOSOME DEFECT SO NATHANIAL IS TRI -- HE HAS AN EXTRA COPY OF CHROMOSOME 13 ON EVERY ONE OF HIS CELLS.

>> DID YOU THINK HE WAS GOING TO LIVE?

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT.

NO, I -- I WAS SO MIXED WITH EMOTION.

I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GOING TO LIVE.

I HAD A GREAT FEAR.

HE LOOKED SO SICK AND HE WAS SO SMALL.

THEY TOLD US THAT THERE'S A REALLY GOOD CHANCE THAT HE'S GOING TO PASS AWAY QUITE QUICKLY.

THEY DIDN'T THINK THAT HE WOULD LIVE LONGER THAN TWO WEEKS, HE'S GOING TO STOP BREATHING AND HE'S JUST NOT GOING TO COME BACK.

>> MY DREAMS ARE THAT HE GETS TO MAKE MEMORIES WITH US, THAT IT'S NOT, YOU KNOW, JUST THE MEMORIES THAT WE GET TO MAKE WITH HIM BUT, YOU KNOW, EVENTUALLY HE'S GOING TO GET TO THAT POINT IN HIS LIFE WHERE HE'S GOING TO START REMEMBERING SUTFF, TOO.

>> NATHANIEL CELEBRATED HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY AND WE PRINTED UP SOME PICTURES AND PRINTED ON THE BACK THE SURVIVABILITY STATISTICS FOR THESE BABIES.

THEY HAVE UP TO 60% CHANCE OF STILLBIRTH.

ABOUT 82% CHANCE OF NOT SURVIVING HIS FIRST 30 DAYS.

AND ABOUT A 7% CHANCE OF MAKING IT TO HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY.

THIS IS WHAT WE GAVE NATHANIEL AS HIS LIFE FIRST.

JOHN, 9:03, IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF HIS SINS OR HIS PARENTS' SINS, JESUS ANSWERED, HE WAS BORN BLIND SO THE POWER OF GOD COULD BE SEEN IN HIM.

[CRYING] ♪ >> MY MOM PASSED AWAY THREE YEARS AGO.

THEY DID DECIDE TO PREPLAN AND PREPAY THEIR FUNERALS WHEN THEY WERE PROBABLY IN THEIR LATE 70s SO THEY LET US KNOW THEY HAD DONE THAT, WHICH WAS A GIFT.

WE TALKED A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WILLS.

MY MOM HAD SAID, YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF DECIDING WHO GETS WHAT AND MY BROTHER WAS EXECUTOR, WE KNEW THAT.

BUT NOTHING ELSE.

NO OTHER PLANS.

IT'S KIND OF A TABOO SUBJECT, I DON'T THINK ANYONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU'RE EXPLORING YOUR OWN VULNERABILITY IN DEATH.

MY PARENTS HAD HEALTH CARE DIRECTIVES, AND THEY WERE TO NOT RESUSCITATE BUT FRANKLY WHEN MY MOTHER WAS IN A POSITION WHERE SHE HAD CODED AND THEY WERE DETERMINING WHETHER THEY SHOULD TRY TO BRING HER BACK, MY FATHER SAID WE WANT TO DO EVERYTHING, MY BROTHER SAID WE WANT TO DO EVERYTHING, AND NO ONE HAD THE DIRECTIVE IN HAND SO WE DIDN'T REALLY ADHERE TO HER DEMANDS.

AND FRANKLY SHE WASN'T REAL HAPPY WHEN SHE WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE, AND SHE WAS VERY MUCH ALIVE AND TALKING AND WALKING BUT, YOU KNOW, SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS DYING AT THAT POINT.

IN RETROSPECT, I WISH I HAD -- IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER, JUST SITTING AROUND WATCHING HER DIE.

MODERN MEDICINE HAS BEEN WONDERFUL AND AWFUL AT THE SAME TIME, THAT PEOPLE ARE LIVING LONGER AND SICKER AND MORE COMPROMISED AND IT USED TO BE IF YOU GOT CANCER OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, YOU DIED.

BUT NOW YOU COULD LIVE FOR YEARS AND YEARS.

IS THE QUALITY OF LIFE THERE?

NOT NECESSARILY.

I'VE KNOWN PEOPLE THAT GO INTO HOSPICE CARE WHO THRIVE AND HAVE TO GO OFF BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, MEDICARE WON'T COVER IT ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING.

YOUR PROGNOSIS HAS CHANGED.

I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL THAT PEOPLE ARE STAYING ALIVE BUT IT'S A CATCH-22.

>> WE ARE JEWISH AND THE JEWISH +AY OF DYING IS NO DIFFERENT